Inevitable
by Blackbirdox
Summary: Waiting for the one you love isn't an easy thing to do but as Charlie discovers, it's often a necessity.


**Disclaimer: I still do not own Dead Poets Society. Still waiting for someone to hand over Charlie, though.**

**A/N: This was just a random idea that came to me while I was listening to Tyler Hilton's "You'll Ask For Me". It just seemed really fitting for Charlie and Knox and it made me have to write. I appreciate any and all feedback. If there's something you'd like me to write for you, I'd be happy to do it. Just let me know. I hope you enjoy it!**

_I'm standing anonymous hoping your heart will just wake up and ask for me by name  
Maybe someday you'll ask for me by name  
Just not today. _-Tyler Hilton

This isn't the first time he's done this and Charlie knows it won't be the last. Knox has never been all that committed to whatever it is that's going on between them.

Their "relationship" moves in a cycle of sorts. They'll be "together" for awhile and then a pretty girl will catch Knox's eye. He'll throw himself headfirst into chasing after her and he'll push Charlie aside. Once he catches said pretty girl, Knox'll grow bored after a few weeks. He'll forget about her and apologize profusely to Charlie who'll take him back in a heartbeat without even a second thought.

The fleeting affair with Chris certainly wasn't the first but she was the worst.

Knox never really grew bored with her. He'd light up every time he spoke of her and then he'd talk about her for hours on end. About how pretty she is or how funny or how sweet. His eyes would sparkle when he'd relate stories of their time together and the things she said and then he'd laugh at a joke only he could understand.

He was in love. And Charlie was too. And he just waited on the sidelines. Waited for the inevitable.

And he's not as happy as he thought he would be when it finally happens.

Knox seems genuinely upset over losing Chris. When he breaks the news to Charlie, he sees him cry for the very first time.

And he doesn't feel bad. He doesn't like that Knox is hurting but a part of him feels he deserves it. Charlie gets hurt all the time and Knox never seems to feel bad. It seems justified that he experiences what it feels like to have your heart shattered by someone else. It's certainly not a pleasant feeling.

But at the same time, he does feel bad. Because Charlie loves Knox and Knox is hurting. He doesn't like watching him cry. He doesn't like the way he pleads with Charlie to never leave him. He doesn't like the way he clings to him like a drowning man would cling to a life preserver.

Charlie tries his best to be comforting. He holds him and swears he'll never leave and calls Chris every name in the book just to see Knox smile.

But Charlie doesn't like being Knox's life preserver. He doesn't like being used for comfort and a quick fuck once the curtains fall and the lights dim on another one of Knox's "perfect relationships."

He feels that he deserves better than that. _Knows_ he deserves better than that.

So when Knox tilts his head up, eyes wide and shimmering and lit up with passion and unbridled lust, Charlie's heart skips a beat. He freezes when a familiar pair of lips presses against his own and his stomach does that annoying fluttery thing that makes him feel like a love-sick idiot.

It takes every fiber of sheer willpower he posses to not kiss him back. He wants too. God, does he want to but he knows he can't. Knows that if they're going to get anywhere, make any sort of progress at all, he can't.

And that just about kills him.

So he pushes Knox away and shakes his head. He doesn't offer much of an explanation behind his reasoning but Knox can see it. They know each other well enough to not have to explain things. Knox can understand.

He nods and leaves without another word, leaving Charlie alone. Again. As always. His heart breaks a little more and he wonders how much longer it'll be before it's entirely torn apart.

Probably not long.

He knows Knox will find another girl. And if Charlie knows him as well as he thinks he does- and he does- it'll be soon.

She'll be pretty and she'll make him laugh and smile. She'll make it easier for him to mask the feelings he knows he shouldn't have but that he has anyway. She'll make it easier for him to forget Charlie for the time being. She'll make him happy.

She also won't last.

No girl ever does.

But Charlie knows this is how it's supposed to happen. He knows that with love comes heartbreak and he and Knox have had a fair share of each between them. He knows that with enough time, destiny and fate and whatever else has a hand in the daily life of human beings will push Knox to where he needs to be. Charlie. Charlie is what he needs and he'll get it. One day.

And so Charlie will wait. Because it's right and because he loves him, he'll wait for the inevitable.


End file.
